Why is parenting advice so fear-based?
(and am I part of the problem?)
Lately, I’ve been noticing something….so much of the parenting advice out there (mine included) relies on fear.
“Don’t do this.”
“Stop saying that.”
“This mistake will ruin your kid forever.”
And here’s the kicker….it works.
When I looked back at my top-performing Instagram posts from 2024, four out of five started with “don’t” or “stop.”
Here was number one:
Clearly, people pay attention when they’re being warned about a danger. Our brains are wired that way — it’s called negativity bias, and it makes us more likely to remember and engage with things that feel like threats.
So, I’ve leaned into it. I’ve used it to get people’s attention.
And, honestly?
I hate it.
Fear Sells — And Not Just on Social Media
It’s not just me. Some of the bestselling parenting books right now are built on fear, too.
The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt is all about how kids are struggling with anxiety and social media is to blame.
Bad Therapy by Abigail Shrier warns that therapy culture is preventing kids from growing up.
Even if these books have some valid points, their entire framing is built on what’s wrong — what’s broken, what’s dangerous, what parents need to be scared of.
So much of the parenting advice we consume is fear-based — selling us worst-case scenarios instead of solutions. And the more I think about it, the more I see it everywhere.
How Did We Get Here?
Maybe it’s because modern parenting already feels high-stakes. We have so much information at our fingertips — studies, expert opinions, hot takes from a million voices on social media. It’s easy to feel like we’re constantly one mistake away from screwing up our kids for life.
And fear-based advice taps into that anxiety. If someone tells you, “Stop doing this one thing that’s ruining your child’s brain,” you’re going to pay attention.
But does it actually help?
Are We Raising Kids in a Culture of Fear?
If parenting advice is mostly about what not to do, what kind of message are we sending to our kids? Are we modeling fear and avoidance instead of confidence and problem-solving?
I don’t have a neat solution for this. I’m just noticing it, sitting with it, and wondering:
Can we shift how we talk about parenting without losing people’s attention?
Can we frame things in a way that’s engaging but still empowering, instead of just scary?
Can we teach kids resilience and independence without making them feel like the world is out to get them?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. What do you think about all the fear-based parenting advice out there? How do you navigate it? Let’s talk.